KNOW > TRUST > LOVE

I didn't know how much I wasn't all the way loving God.
I didn't know there was so much more room in my heart to experience more of a love relationship with Him.
I didn't know what I was missing.

Honestly.

I thought I was doing alright. Actually thought I had this living-for-Jesus thing pretty much figured out. On the scale of 1 to Awesome Christian, I would put myself somewhere around Pretty Great Christian.
I mean, I prayed a decent amount, read my Bible/Christian books pretty often, felt genuinely close to Him when worshiping and serving others, trusted Him when life gave us hard stuff, even felt like I could hear His voice and receive direction from Him when something significant came up...
but it's like something deep inside of me had been whispering for years "but there's more to following me than all this." And I would sense that off and on, but never really knew how to grasp it.

The truth is that I knew Him real well. I knew His Word and His character and had a good, high view of His holiness and sovereignty. And I had known Him well for a real long time! He's such an amazing God, and I have always loved learning more about His character and how He relates to us and such.

After Ben and I got married, we had our sweet firstborn, Harvey, and shortly after that experienced two miscarriages. That was a dark and depressing season for me in which my only hope was Jesus and in that year I really, genuinely learned to trust Him (more on that in these posts). I mean, for real, trust Him through even what seemed like the most confusing time in my life- I learned to depend on His strength to get me through and believe in His goodness no matter what and see the beauty in my pain because I knew there was purpose for it.
These are all really invaluable and crucial tenants in Christian faith, right?

But I was still left with this sense that there was even more to this relationship with Him that I was somehow missing. I think I knew the answer was intimacy with Him, but what I knew of how to pursue Him was with knowledge and trust- so I would keep going back to those when I felt this urge to grow in faith... learning more and practicing that trust.
And the Lord is so good to me and those things are so good for me, but I understand now this other, deeper (and, yes, MORE amazing) layer!

I started off the year with my heart feeling humbled and sensing my need for more reliance on and unity with Him. So in response to that, there were only 3 main things I decided to focus on for 2019:

     1) Asking God for more of Him- more unity and intimacy and just, Him.
     2) Practicing being aware of His presence always with me- frequently and as often as possible.
     3) Talking to Him, like, all the time about everything- and expecting Him to talk back.

A list is nice for us type A's, but, all in all, the crux of the matter is this-- I just needed to have more of Him, personally and intimately. All of these things are just examples of ways I intentionally opened my heart and expected more of Him.

And, y'all, I really had no idea what I was getting in to.
I didn't think ahead of time, "I think I need a spiritual revival in my life, so I guess I should try and make that happen." No, man, I just- by God's grace- recognized there was room in my heart to love Him more and receive more love from Him and then all this just happened.

And that's just the start! I'm so pumped to go on and on about specific ways I've come to experience His spirit and feel the weight of His presence and the multiple, profound dreams He gave me and the words He spoke to me for my friends that blew our minds and the verses He showed me that ministered to my spirit and confirmed that He is the most loving, tender and intentional Father. Man, He's good. I could go on and on, I really could, and I really want to, honestly. But I think I spare you a 10 page blog post and share more of that in the future.

Just know this- I am in the midst of a personal, spiritual revival! It's amazing and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude as I write this because of how precious these past couple months have been for me and how specifically I have sensed and experienced the love of my Father. And all of the sudden I understand now that all this joy I feel, He's experiencing with me, right now, too. Because it's His greatest joy to love on His kids as much as it is my joy to receive that love and send it right on back.

This is good, good stuff y'all. If you haven't guessed, I want this for you too. It starts with asking God for more of Him. And in being content with simply that- just more of Him. Stay with Him, hang out with Him, talk to Him and share your passions and messes and moments and listen to what He has to say in response. It will bless your socks off, I promise!

And, just know, without a shadow of a doubt that HE WANTS THIS WITH YOU. This is why He made us. This is how it all started and this is how it will all end- us with Him, holding hands, walking and talking and being together - in a beautiful, fulfilling, heaven-on-earth kind of love relationship.

I can feel the expectation welling up in my heart for you, right now. Will you give it a try? Will you step in closer to Him? Humble your heart and ask Him to give you more of just plain Him... and see what He does!