I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN

A couple months ago I was laying in bed praying over baby Amos's food allergies. I remember proclaiming healing over Him (or *trying to) when I heard the voice of the Spirit so clearly say, "You have a lot to learn."

I was taken aback for a second. I thought at this point that I was close to having things figured out... i.e. the "right way to pray" in order to see him come to healing (funny, right?).

I had been reading and contemplating for weeks how the power and authority of Christ play in to the roles we have as Christ followers and in turn, how we are to exercise that authority over things like sickness or allergies or whatever.
I had been genuinely confused on what was "right" for a time, but resolved that I might as well try and name it, claim it and speak it into existence with the God-given authority I had. Because that had to be the only way that made sense, right?
Uhum, well, It didn't work. And instead God gently whispered, "You have a lot to learn."

I wasn't at all offended by His redirection. In fact, I loved it and was honored that He would so clearly speak something like that to me.
And I responded with, "Yes! You're right. I do have so much to learn. Teach me, please!"

And I continued to pursue Him in prayer and resources available to me and by just asking Him a lot of hard questions and trying to be attentive to the Spirit's response... and ultimately I landed in a place of believing that God would ask me to pray that bold prayer eventually. I resolved that He would show me when His time was exactly right- that He would make it very clear to me what and when His will was for healing and at that that would be the point when I would have to opportunity to exercise my spiritual authority over the enemy and this hold of sickness he has on my son. Not because it was my own will, but because I would be prompted by His will.

And so, I was happy to wait on the Lord knowing the promise He had given me (like I'd written about previously), while also still fully believing and prophesying that over him.

And then this past Sunday happened.

Let me start by telling you that I have been waiting for a sermon and/or alter call for healing specifically since the beginning of the year, but also since the beginning of the year our church has been going though a series called "adulting." You know, like how to make practical, wise choices to live like an adult. I didn't see any hope of a healing-specific-sermon any time soon.
But wouldn't you know, in a sermon on taking care of our physical bodies our pastor began to speak on supernatural healing and the Lord's will in that. And I felt all of these actual stirrings in my heart and sat in my chair, stared at the floor and asked God, "Can we pray for Amos today??"
I promise with everything in me, I was very willing to hear Him say "Not today," and be ok with it. But instead? Instead He simply said, "Yes, you can."
And so we did! We brought Amos in from the nursery, anointed him with oil and proclaimed healing in the name of Jesus over his precious little body.

We came home, gave him a bit of dairy with lunch (in the form of iced coffee with creamer 😂... we don't keep many of the things he's allergic to in the house) and he did great with it! No rash, no upset tummy, no diarrhea and he slept all night. The next day I gave him a waffle that had egg in it and again, he did great! No problems! Hallelujah!! I was overjoyed! I was and still am in shock that he is able to eat those things now without negative side effects.

The following day, I tried scrambled eggs. And that one... well, didn't go so great. He barfed them up all over the kitchen floor. (I was distraught while I praised the Lord that puke didn't get on the carpet).
How confusing, right? Just when I was starting to feel like I could rejoice and share that he had been completely healed, he barfs on the floor.

To be super honest, I'm right back to feeling like I did that night in bed... real confused and so aware of the fact that "I have a lot to learn."

I don't get it. I really don't. But where that's taking me now is pressing more in to God and seeking Him for more clarity in the story He's writing here. I know it's all for good.

My mom reminded me of the story in Mark 8 where Jesus heals a blind man and gives him sight. Jesus spits on his eyes and asks what he sees... "I see people, but they look like trees walking," he said. So Jesus put His hands on his eyes again and it was then- after the second time- that the man saw everything clearly.

From where I stand right now, it doesn't appear that Amos is completely healed. But it DOES appear that he has had some massive improvement! I gave the kid packaged, frozen, waffles and he scarfed two of them down and peacefully took a 3 hour nap that afternoon. That is a flippin' miracle, y'all!

I laid it all out pretty specifically in my last post on this, but I'm still no where near giving up on the promise God gave me for Amos's healing.
I'll take phase one, recognize it as the incredible blessing that it is, PRAISE THE LORD for it (man, it's so good), and continue praying and persevering for the promise to come to fulfillment.

When I feel discouraged or ultra-confused- 'cause, guys, I do often- I've been turning on Brian and Katie Torwalt's newest album, Praise Before my Breakthrough. And I belt it with all I've got and I believe it with all my heart and I cry literal tears to God as I open my heart to Him and choose to trust Him though the confusion.

If you're anywhere near a similar spot in life (or if you just love good, spirit-filled worship music), please go give this album a listen. I'm listening with you.

Once again, and gladly, we've got a lot to learn.