The boys and I got up the other morning like any old day. The sun was shining, we had fun plans with mom/baby friends in a couple hours, and we were happy to be alive.
Harv requested pancakes for breakfast (like he does every other day ), and I cheerfully agreed, and turned on some Jordan Feliz while I flipped cakes and added chocolate chips in the shapes of smiley faces.
And then...
(this is where the horror music starts to play in the background)
THEN, I grabbed Amos from one of our dining chairs to place him in his proper place at the table, and something happened... don't ask me details- I'm unsure- but somehow that dining chair began to tip and then fell forcefully, with all it's might, smack onto the surface of my left big toe nail.
I literally yelled in a deep, man voice, "OWWWE!"
(yeah these chairs right here. The one on the end to be exact... you guys probably have sat on or even own chairs like this, right? They're not heavy! How did it inflict so much pain? And why do they fall over so dang easily?! Anyone?!?!)
My literal first thought was, "Oh no, I'm not going to be able to go to the beach on our vacation." That is, our vacation that's coming up... in five whole weeks. 😂
But you see, my sister, Sarah, had just had this same thing happen to her a few months ago. Her toe ended up infected, she had to have the nail removed and couldn't enjoy the beach (per doctors orders) on their vacation that was shortly after. So there was some logic to my drama, at least.
I eventually hobbled to the step to sit down and texted my sister. "Is this what your toe looked like after you smashed it?" I asked as I sent her a gross picture of it.
It was.
And I was immediately flooded with the fear of having to 1). go to a doctor (😧😵) 2). have said doctor touch my toe to examine it 3). endure some incredibly painful procedure where they rip my toenail off.
My toe hurt in that moment, but it was really pretty bareable. What wasn't bearable, though, was the thought of having to endure some other specific, searing, intense pain because of it.
I literally made myself anxious and sick to my stomach last night after googling "black toenail" and advice about when to go see a doctor and what that doctor might have to do to help that poor little toe heal.
I sat on the couch with my toe on ice while Harvey and my husband, Ben, played some make make-believe game on the floor. Ben glanced at me and caught the look on my face. He didn't know I had been googling and he didn't have to ask what I was thinking- it was written all over my face.
"You're going to be fine. You're doing all the right things. You don't need to worry." he said.
I tried to believe him, but my insides were squirming.
Then I woke up this morning and saw this picture my mom had posted from her trip to Israel this past week.
The caption read: Jesus descended from this Mt Olive area thru the Kidron Valley and up to the temple where He knew He would be arrested. With every step he took he knew He was getting closer to unimaginable suffering.
Gosh, can you imagine?
Simply the fear of *possible* pain associated with my toe was enough to freak me out, shut me down, and spiral me into unnecessary anxious thoughts. And this is just my one toe!
Jesus knew exactly the pain, torture and suffering His whole body and spirit was about to endure yet He willingly walked forward into it. For us.
(If it was me walking down that road, I would most like be keeled over in the fetal position or passed out somewhere along the way. Just sayin'.)
Jesus had to have some DEEP, DEEP love in His heart for us to be able and willing to even put one foot in front of the other on that day, don't you think?
It was the culmination of his life's mission, though, to come to earth for this purpose. It was the moment He had been waiting for. It was what His Father had orchestrated all along- the reason why He came to us. His death would mean the restoration of all mankind to His love and unity and intimacy with Him. There was infinite purpose in His pain, and so He walked forward willingly and because it would all be worth it- for our sake.
The rest of my mom's post read, "He chose this for YOU! 'No greater love than this; that a man lay down his life...' (John 15:13)"
For reals. No greater love.
Could you do it? Could you walk down that road?
I sure as heck couldn't.
But Jesus could. And He did! And that is beautiful, right there.
Harv requested pancakes for breakfast (like he does every other day ), and I cheerfully agreed, and turned on some Jordan Feliz while I flipped cakes and added chocolate chips in the shapes of smiley faces.
And then...
(this is where the horror music starts to play in the background)
THEN, I grabbed Amos from one of our dining chairs to place him in his proper place at the table, and something happened... don't ask me details- I'm unsure- but somehow that dining chair began to tip and then fell forcefully, with all it's might, smack onto the surface of my left big toe nail.
I literally yelled in a deep, man voice, "OWWWE!"
My literal first thought was, "Oh no, I'm not going to be able to go to the beach on our vacation." That is, our vacation that's coming up... in five whole weeks. 😂
But you see, my sister, Sarah, had just had this same thing happen to her a few months ago. Her toe ended up infected, she had to have the nail removed and couldn't enjoy the beach (per doctors orders) on their vacation that was shortly after. So there was some logic to my drama, at least.
I eventually hobbled to the step to sit down and texted my sister. "Is this what your toe looked like after you smashed it?" I asked as I sent her a gross picture of it.
It was.
And I was immediately flooded with the fear of having to 1). go to a doctor (😧😵) 2). have said doctor touch my toe to examine it 3). endure some incredibly painful procedure where they rip my toenail off.
My toe hurt in that moment, but it was really pretty bareable. What wasn't bearable, though, was the thought of having to endure some other specific, searing, intense pain because of it.
I literally made myself anxious and sick to my stomach last night after googling "black toenail" and advice about when to go see a doctor and what that doctor might have to do to help that poor little toe heal.
I sat on the couch with my toe on ice while Harvey and my husband, Ben, played some make make-believe game on the floor. Ben glanced at me and caught the look on my face. He didn't know I had been googling and he didn't have to ask what I was thinking- it was written all over my face.
"You're going to be fine. You're doing all the right things. You don't need to worry." he said.
I tried to believe him, but my insides were squirming.
Then I woke up this morning and saw this picture my mom had posted from her trip to Israel this past week.
Gosh, can you imagine?
Simply the fear of *possible* pain associated with my toe was enough to freak me out, shut me down, and spiral me into unnecessary anxious thoughts. And this is just my one toe!
Jesus knew exactly the pain, torture and suffering His whole body and spirit was about to endure yet He willingly walked forward into it. For us.
(If it was me walking down that road, I would most like be keeled over in the fetal position or passed out somewhere along the way. Just sayin'.)
Jesus had to have some DEEP, DEEP love in His heart for us to be able and willing to even put one foot in front of the other on that day, don't you think?
It was the culmination of his life's mission, though, to come to earth for this purpose. It was the moment He had been waiting for. It was what His Father had orchestrated all along- the reason why He came to us. His death would mean the restoration of all mankind to His love and unity and intimacy with Him. There was infinite purpose in His pain, and so He walked forward willingly and because it would all be worth it- for our sake.
The rest of my mom's post read, "He chose this for YOU! 'No greater love than this; that a man lay down his life...' (John 15:13)"
For reals. No greater love.
Could you do it? Could you walk down that road?
I sure as heck couldn't.
But Jesus could. And He did! And that is beautiful, right there.
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