Who knew being a mom to a newborn would be so demanding?? Not I. Did anybody actually, realistically warn me of what my life was about to be like with a fresh baby in hand? I want to say no, but I probably just wasn't listening. I do remember one friend who laughed at me when I told her I was pregnant... that counts for something I guess.
I'm dumb for expecting things to be easy, but I just couldn't help but assume my little Harvest would be one of those easy babies who sleep all the time and rarely get fussy... Or at least that I would be able to calm him down if he did get fussy. Don't get me wrong, he's still the most perfect and amazing baby in the whole world, but that pretty picture I imagined is not how things have turned out.
[break for cute baby picture. look at how sweet he is!!]
Being a mom is hard! I've been a nanny so I had experience, right? I was overly qualified, I thought. Not to mention well-read. Literally, I read everything. I read every bit of literature on what to expect that I could get my hands on, including hundreds upon thousands of articles online that probably confused me more than prepared me.
It's safe to say I was a little too confident annnnd then blindsided.
When my sweet babe came and had no sense of time, refused sleep and screamed for hours no matter how hard I tried to calm him, I kinda freaked out.
The first day I was home alone with Harvey I spent a vast majority of my time crying back into his face as he cried into mine. Ha. With tears streaming down my ugly cry face, I told him how much I wished I could fix whatever was wrong and I prayed with despration to the good Lord to help my poor baby feel better. I still do this, actually...
Then there was the whole stipulation that I would be hopelessly in love with this little person from the start simply because I was his momma. I did love him and all... but for those first few weeks I had a really hard time feeling bonded to him. I caught myself feeling like a caretaker instead of his mother, just going through the motions of the day to get by, not remembering what had happened when I woke up the next morning, and wondering if he knew I was his mother or knew that I loved him, or at least was really trying to. It didn't come naturally like I thought it would. I had to get to know the little guy before genuinely falling in love with him.
To top all that off, Harvest doesn't like to sleep! What kind of baby doesn't like to sleep? So the notion that I might catch up on some Zzz's... Out the window. Oh and don't even get me started on the struggle that has been breastfeeding. That's another blog post in itself. Sheesh.
It was all just really hard.
So after all that here's what I've learned and here's what my advice to a soon to be new momma may be...
You're not going to NOT have expectations before your baby comes. That's just impossible. But maybe don't expect everything to be roses and sunshine like I did. You're probably smarter than me and are doing that already, though. Just expect that getting situated and getting to know this baby will take some time and there will probably be some hard days, if not a lot of hard days.
Don't get down on yourself if being a mom doesn't come 100% naturally. I found myself trying to mentally tap in to my motherly instinct, like it was buried deep in my subconscious and I just had to think hard enough to dig it up. But I'm pretty sure instinct may be somewhat of a learned thing too. Just know it'll come with time.
Expect your baby to cry a lot and expect yourself to cry a lot (postpartum hormones are no joke). It's very normal, I promise. Don't expect your baby to sleep all the time (especially at night), and don't plan on getting much sleep yourself either. I know they say to sleep when baby sleeps yada yada yada, and yes you should try to do that, but don't expect it to be easy... Or to actually happen. And expect to at times feel utterly overwhelmed, frustrated and helpless to be able to control or fix anything. BUT remember, all this will pass! It's a newborn thing and it will even out.
And on the more positive hand, expect to not stop staring at the perfect child you've created, because he is so amazing that you just can't help yourself. Expect to look forward to your baby waking up in the morning because it means the two of you will get some playtime. Expect to be so proud of every burp, poop, and fart that comes out of his little body because it means things are working the way they're supposed to and he did something right! Expect to giggle and tear up with joy while breastfeeding because it creates such a precious connection you and your little one can enjoy. Expect that first smile he flashes to feel like the most rewarding thing EVER... He really does love you back! And expect in time to love your babe just like everyone says you will, with a deep, genuine love that can't be matched by anything in this world.
So here we are 8 weeks out, and our days are much more rosey and sunshiney. We still have hard days, but Harv and I are friends now and we understand eachother. It just took some getting used to. :)
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