I think I need to write this post for my own good.
I'm struggling, you guys! Everything with this pregnancy seemed to be pointing to our babe coming early... not late. I don't know about you, but when the doc says "the chances of him coming late are really small," I believe her! But here we are, 3 days past his due date and still no sign that he will be here any time soon.
Or at least that's how it feels.
(never mind the fact that I look real happy in this picture... imagine me with an angry face)
I keep finding myself using words like anxious and mad and frustrated and impatient to describe how I'm feeling right now. I woke up this morning feeling mopey and sick to my stomach because I was so discouraged that I didn't go in to labor overnight. Through tears I told both my mom and my sister today that I'm just plain sick of waiting. And, granted, I kind-of have some legitimate reason to be feeling those things, but I don't want to be the one who goes around willingly dumping only and all the negative thoughts I'm having on others. And I think I've been that person these last couple days.
Yuck.
It's never those people that you want to have over for dinner or meet up for coffee and a walk through downtown with. Am I right?
More than just how I come off to other people, though, I just want to check my heart for my own sake and for my standing before the Lord as well.
Cliche, I know, but I'm thinking, "Kayla, what would Jesus do?"
Just sitting here I can think of so many verses to directly address each of my emotions:
Be anxious for nothing...
Anger does not bring about the righteousness of God...
Love is patient...
Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength...
Do everything without complaining...
This baby literally can't hang out in my belly forever. There WILL be an end date to this pregnancy and a birth day to celebrate. And it WILL be soon. I can find so much hope in that if I choose to.
And when I ask myself if that's the choice I want to make, the answer is 100% yes!
I want to choose to have a happy heart about a few extra days of quality time with my husband. I want to cherish each and every little baby kick and wiggle I still get to experience and marvel at the beauty of the creation of life inside my own body. I want Negative Nancy to be a name that is far from describing me as I'm practicing patience right now... I want to be a Positive Patrice! ha. I want to be the girl who contagiously spews her blessings and hope and encouragement on others- because, girl, I have SO much to be thankful for. And mostly I want to have a heart that is grateful and humble and thankful before the Lord because He has given me way too many good things and there is one heck of a real good thing headed my way so soon, too.
I can't say I don't still feel anxious and that I don't still want my squishy-face babe to be here yesterday, but what I do want to say is that, from here on out, I'm committing to not let my negative emotions take greater front stage than my blessings.
A LOT of people are checking in, asking how I'm doing right now and essentially giving me a soap box for a minute or two. I plan to use that well from now on (ahem, try to, anyway)... because I need to for my own emotional well being, because others will be encouraged by my words as opposed to pulled down into discouragement with me, and because that is what will be most pleasing and most glorifying to my Lord.
I'm struggling, you guys! Everything with this pregnancy seemed to be pointing to our babe coming early... not late. I don't know about you, but when the doc says "the chances of him coming late are really small," I believe her! But here we are, 3 days past his due date and still no sign that he will be here any time soon.
Or at least that's how it feels.
I keep finding myself using words like anxious and mad and frustrated and impatient to describe how I'm feeling right now. I woke up this morning feeling mopey and sick to my stomach because I was so discouraged that I didn't go in to labor overnight. Through tears I told both my mom and my sister today that I'm just plain sick of waiting. And, granted, I kind-of have some legitimate reason to be feeling those things, but I don't want to be the one who goes around willingly dumping only and all the negative thoughts I'm having on others. And I think I've been that person these last couple days.
Yuck.
It's never those people that you want to have over for dinner or meet up for coffee and a walk through downtown with. Am I right?
More than just how I come off to other people, though, I just want to check my heart for my own sake and for my standing before the Lord as well.
Cliche, I know, but I'm thinking, "Kayla, what would Jesus do?"
Just sitting here I can think of so many verses to directly address each of my emotions:
Be anxious for nothing...
Anger does not bring about the righteousness of God...
Love is patient...
Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength...
Do everything without complaining...
This baby literally can't hang out in my belly forever. There WILL be an end date to this pregnancy and a birth day to celebrate. And it WILL be soon. I can find so much hope in that if I choose to.
And when I ask myself if that's the choice I want to make, the answer is 100% yes!
I want to choose to have a happy heart about a few extra days of quality time with my husband. I want to cherish each and every little baby kick and wiggle I still get to experience and marvel at the beauty of the creation of life inside my own body. I want Negative Nancy to be a name that is far from describing me as I'm practicing patience right now... I want to be a Positive Patrice! ha. I want to be the girl who contagiously spews her blessings and hope and encouragement on others- because, girl, I have SO much to be thankful for. And mostly I want to have a heart that is grateful and humble and thankful before the Lord because He has given me way too many good things and there is one heck of a real good thing headed my way so soon, too.
I can't say I don't still feel anxious and that I don't still want my squishy-face babe to be here yesterday, but what I do want to say is that, from here on out, I'm committing to not let my negative emotions take greater front stage than my blessings.
A LOT of people are checking in, asking how I'm doing right now and essentially giving me a soap box for a minute or two. I plan to use that well from now on (ahem, try to, anyway)... because I need to for my own emotional well being, because others will be encouraged by my words as opposed to pulled down into discouragement with me, and because that is what will be most pleasing and most glorifying to my Lord.
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