I've been working through some pretty serious and heavy fears these past couple weeks. I go through seasons where so many what ifs plague my mind... "What if Ben died" "What if I never have another baby again" "What if we're always stuck living paycheck to paycheck" "What if God calls us to move away from Indiana again" "What if ____ (terrible thing) happened and I was forced to work through it"
Anyone else get stuck here? It's an all-too-frequent cycle for me and it literally leaves me feeling achey and panicky inside.
I wouldn't say my fears are very far from reality. People do pass away often, we probably won't ever be wealthy by any means, it would not be surprising to me if God did call us to live somewhere else... So I don't feel like I'm making up impossible scenarios when my mind travels here. But it's the fact that I know these things really could happen and God really might ask me to trust Him through it. And I know it would be challenging and super hard and would probably even hurt like the dickens for awhile.
But here's where I've landed after spending some time processing all the above, looking that fear in the face, and talking some truth to myself about it.
Truth is huge... that's the first piece. If it's not true about my current reality, why am I fussing over it now? It does my physical and emotional self no good to worry and stress about something that isn't even a part of what's true in my life. So the first step of reasoning I've had to walk through is, "Is this even true?" And when a realize it's not, it gets a little easier for me to walk away from that mindset. But only a little. Because, guys, it could STILL happen one day.
So that's where I've had to learn to work through this next part.
Even if...
Even if my most terrible fear did happen, then what?? Even if the worst became true in my life, where would I be then?
It would be SO hard and would hurt like crazy, BUT the Lord would still be even more good and it would make for an amazing opportunity to grow in my trust of Him. I would consider it a blessing (maybe not immediately, but ultimately) to be able to walk forward in a trial with the assurance that He is trustworthy.
If I really believe He is as good as He says He is, then I can trust His judgement in handing me a [terribly hard] opportunity to grow in my understanding and knowledge of Him... Because I've seen Him carry me through tragedy before and I know He would do it again. So, if by my struggle He gains glory and I gain relationship with Him then you can bet in the end it would be worth it.
He would also, through the mess, most definitely increase the impact of my testimony to minister to those who, one day, will be struggling through something similar. I believe the Lord would be pleased to use me as a comforter and an instructor for those hurting, and that through my life and experience they would be blessed and be brought to know the Lord better.
So if I can look even further ahead- past the potential for hurt and harm and past the struggle to make it through the pain- ahead to the redemption of the hurt by the Spirit of the Lord working in my heart and using that situation to draw me closer to Him and allowing me an opportunity to trust Him and be used by Him... then I can really believe I have nothing to fear.
Friends, let's remember, our God is GOD over all the earth and everything in it. And He cares to the deepest parts of our beings about our hearts and souls... He knows us better than we do. He knows what we can handle, and He knows what it will take for us to become the best possible witnesses for His name sake.
Cause really that's the whole story, right? He's God so He gets all the glory He rightfully deserves. And we are so blessed to be a part of that story.
Anyone else get stuck here? It's an all-too-frequent cycle for me and it literally leaves me feeling achey and panicky inside.
I wouldn't say my fears are very far from reality. People do pass away often, we probably won't ever be wealthy by any means, it would not be surprising to me if God did call us to live somewhere else... So I don't feel like I'm making up impossible scenarios when my mind travels here. But it's the fact that I know these things really could happen and God really might ask me to trust Him through it. And I know it would be challenging and super hard and would probably even hurt like the dickens for awhile.
But here's where I've landed after spending some time processing all the above, looking that fear in the face, and talking some truth to myself about it.
Truth is huge... that's the first piece. If it's not true about my current reality, why am I fussing over it now? It does my physical and emotional self no good to worry and stress about something that isn't even a part of what's true in my life. So the first step of reasoning I've had to walk through is, "Is this even true?" And when a realize it's not, it gets a little easier for me to walk away from that mindset. But only a little. Because, guys, it could STILL happen one day.
So that's where I've had to learn to work through this next part.
Even if...
Even if my most terrible fear did happen, then what?? Even if the worst became true in my life, where would I be then?
It would be SO hard and would hurt like crazy, BUT the Lord would still be even more good and it would make for an amazing opportunity to grow in my trust of Him. I would consider it a blessing (maybe not immediately, but ultimately) to be able to walk forward in a trial with the assurance that He is trustworthy.
If I really believe He is as good as He says He is, then I can trust His judgement in handing me a [terribly hard] opportunity to grow in my understanding and knowledge of Him... Because I've seen Him carry me through tragedy before and I know He would do it again. So, if by my struggle He gains glory and I gain relationship with Him then you can bet in the end it would be worth it.
He would also, through the mess, most definitely increase the impact of my testimony to minister to those who, one day, will be struggling through something similar. I believe the Lord would be pleased to use me as a comforter and an instructor for those hurting, and that through my life and experience they would be blessed and be brought to know the Lord better.
So if I can look even further ahead- past the potential for hurt and harm and past the struggle to make it through the pain- ahead to the redemption of the hurt by the Spirit of the Lord working in my heart and using that situation to draw me closer to Him and allowing me an opportunity to trust Him and be used by Him... then I can really believe I have nothing to fear.
Friends, let's remember, our God is GOD over all the earth and everything in it. And He cares to the deepest parts of our beings about our hearts and souls... He knows us better than we do. He knows what we can handle, and He knows what it will take for us to become the best possible witnesses for His name sake.
Cause really that's the whole story, right? He's God so He gets all the glory He rightfully deserves. And we are so blessed to be a part of that story.
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